


You're The Blessing To My Curse

by spiralsofourmusic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Insomnia, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Multi, Nightmares, Pain, Panic, Secret Crush, Werewolves, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29217801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiralsofourmusic/pseuds/spiralsofourmusic
Summary: In their sixth year at Hogwarts, the Marauders are well-acquainted with Remus' monthly transformations, but not even his best friends can lessen his anguish. Except perhaps Sirius Black.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 40





	You're The Blessing To My Curse

The boys' sixth year Gryffindor dormitory was dimly lit and pleasantly warm from the gently flickering fire that cast a ruby-red tint on its walls, combatting the wintery freeze outside the windows. It was reaching some ungodly hour of the morning, yet Remus Lupin was no closer to sleep than he was three and a half hours ago. In a spurt of frustration, he resorted to sitting cross-legged at the very end of his four-poster bed, his back slumped in an exhausted stupor. His nose was practically touching the bed's burgundy drapes, his greyish eyes staring blankly at the fabric. He had cast a _muffliato_ charm around his bed when he first hopped in to prevent his dorm-mates from having to deal with his nightly irritated sighing as he uselessly attempted to fall asleep, tossing and turning. He almost always eventually gave up and began freely emitting vexed groans and expletives as he sat bored and alone on his bed. 

This wasn't a recent interruption to his sleep patterns, of course. Ever since he had told his closest friends about his... predicament, in the holidays following their first year at Hogwarts, they had tried their very best to make Remus feel like he could talk to them about anything, thinking it would mitigate his insomnia. As kind as Remus had thought this was and despite the immense gratitude he had for his fellow Marauders, he still felt that telling them about his nightmares after each and every night was too much. So, he mostly suffered them alone, with the exception of the particularly rough nights.

After what seemed like the majority of the time he had to sleep had come and gone, Remus finally fell into an uneasy slumber in the diagonal and upside-down position he had last contorted into on his mattress. Frequent whimpers and shouts of terror thundered against the drapes that no one on the other side could hear. 

~~~~~~~~~

_"Greetings, young Remus. Feeling particularly,_ moonstruck _, tonight, are we?" A deep, growling voice echoed all around Remus' head._

_His small figure, that of a mere four year old, cowered in the centre of a pitch-black clearing in a seemingly impenetrable forest of eerie, whispering trees that towered over him._

_"Surrender to the pull, young cub. Let the beast inside you come out to play. You aren't_ afraid _now, are you?" The voice drawled with a terrifying snarl, like the predatory sound of a wild dog readying itself to pounce on its prey._

_"Mum? Dad?" Young Remus whispered shakily, inaudible to the dark figure stalking around him as he sat on the cold forest floor, desperately hugging his knees to his chest with his bloodshot eyesfrantically, hopelessly, scanning the shadows._

_A staggeringly large silver disc began to peek over the deep, dark canopy above Remus. At the same moment that it cleared the top of the quivering foliage, agonised screams burst out of his chest and spread like wildfire into the depths of the forest. Confused and panicked, he had no idea what was happening to him. All he knew was that it hurt more than anything he thought imaginable. Lengthy, filthy claws at least six inches long ruptured from the tips of his delicate fingers, wiry, grey-blue fur sprouted from every inch of his skin, his muscles and tendons seemed to rip with nauseatingly loud cracks and tears as his limbs stretched out. It wasn't long until his wails transformed into resonant howls, frothing saliva dripping from his lips as he locked his gaze onto Fenrir Greyback himself._

_"Good... Very good..." The snarling voice distorted and faded away._

~~~~~~~~~

Remus' eyes flew open. His chest heaved painfully. Sweat soaked his entire self and the sheets and pillow beneath his trembling body. The nightmares seemed to be worsening with every passing night. Who knows what his mind would force him to endure in the coming years. Opening the drapes around his bed just enough to see if there was enough daylight in the room to justify getting up, Remus noticed that there was in fact the inklings of dawn and none of the other boys in his dormitory had woken up yet. He'd slept for less time than he'd thought; the perfect amount of time for the were-part of his brain to torment him and still keep him from feeling like he'd slept at all.

Remus slid silently out of bed, casting a quick drying spell on his bedclothes and pillowcase, before swiftly gathering his toiletries and robes for the school day and sneaking into the bathroom. He showered and dressed monotonously before returning to his bed and organising his things for his classes.

"Moony? Is that you?" A scratchy, hushed voice came from behind him. 

"Sirius. Uh, hi." Remus replied like he'd just been caught setting off a Dungbomb by Professor McGonagall. 

"What are you doing up so early?" Sirius said mid-yawn, stretching his arms upwards to reveal a toned torso beneath his loose, jet-black sweatshirt that matched the shade of his hair. 

Turning sharply away to prevent Sirius from seeing his own reddening cheeks, feeling like they were glowing in the dim room, and to stop himself from staring at his figure, he said, "S'pose I just woke up earlier than usual," lying only to ensure Sirius didn't start asking too many questions and worrying about him unnecessarily. 

"Wanna head down to the Great Hall for breakfast early, then?" Sirius suggested.

–––––––––

The day's classes were mostly boring, as usual, although the debate in Defence Against the Dark Arts over whether the Blood-Sucking Bugbear supposedly sighted in Scotland was a real creature or not was rather enlivening. Yet now, the darkness of night was creeping in over the castle and no DADA class could have distracted Remus from the habitual dread he felt as his inevitable night terrors drew closer. 

"Everything okay, Moony? You look a bit out of it, mate." James said distractedly, gawking idiotically at Lily Evans as she walked past. 

"Mmhm, fine." 

"Good. Oi, Padfoot, can we give the spell we were trying to figure out the other night another go? I think the burn on my arm's healed enough to try again." James said spiritedly, calling out to Sirius and running to catch up with him at the other end of the corridor as Remus fell behind. 

One night to go. He could feel the pull. The tingling of fur readying itself to surface and the pressure looming under his fingertips that made him squirm. He could see the silver moon casting deceivingly gentle white rays into the boys' dormitory through the windows adorned with diagonal muntins. Well, they were gentle, just not to him. The moon floated far above Hogwarts, not yet at its full size, but still managed to make Remus wince and his heart palpitate with fear. 

"Goodnight, guys." Squeaked Peter from a dark corner of the room as he scurried into bed. 

Mumbled replies came from most beds, silence from those who were already asleep and Remus who couldn't tear his eyes away from the suspended sphere of light. 

"You alright, Moony?" 

"Jesus, Padfoot, you scared the hell out of me." Remus breathed, jumping and half turning his head to see Sirius standing close behind him out of the corner of his eye, a calming hand sedating his quivering shoulder from his nagging distress. 

"Wanna go nick a Dreamless Sleep from Snivellus' storeroom?" Remus shook his head. 

"Nah, I'll- I'll be alright." 

"'Kay," Sirius said after a moment's hesitation, "night, Rem." A small smile flashed on the right hand side of his face, before he turned away towards his own bed. 

Remus snuck a glance behind him just in time to see Sirius facing away from him, letting his wavy, jet black hair out of its messy bun to rest gently on his shoulders. He quickly turned away again, reluctantly sitting on his bed and drawing the drapes around him with trembling hands, creating an almost pitch-black padded cell. He really did feel insane sometimes, the dread of the full moon rising up into his throat, suffocating him and making him want to scream in the halls. He knew he always had the support of his friends to fall back on and the reassuring aid of Professor Dumbledore himself, but in the end, it was him and him alone that had to undergo the transformation, the pain, the feelings of disgust, sadness and helplessness that he felt for himself almost everyday. No one could help him through that. 

His body shook with silent sobs and petrified shivers as he sat curled up in a tight ball in the centre of his bed, broken memories of the forest he first transformed in plaguing his mind. Sleep would be impossible, especially so close to the full moon, so now he'd have even less energy to get through the transformation the following night. He felt alone, he felt overwhelmed, he felt–

"Moony, it's me, Padfoot. Can I come sit with you?" Sirius' whispered voice came from behind the drapes. 

Remus wiped his eyes furiously, realising he'd forgotten to cast a _muffliatio_ charm, and internally kicked himself as he whimpered a sound of agreement. 

Sirius climbed gracefully onto the bed, closed the bed curtains behind him, cast the charm Remus had forgotten and sat cross legged in front of Remus who was clinging to his knees. Sirius slowly and gently coaxed Remus' hands away from his legs and helped him to mirror his own sitting position, letting their knees touch slightly. 

They sat in silence, Remus looking down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers and Sirius gazing helplessly at the crown of his head. He grasped the shaking boy's hands in his own as he often did in times like this and let them rest between them, holding tightly to give Remus something else to focus on, to ground himself with. 

After a while, Sirius spoke in a low voice, "do you want me to wake the others? Have a midnight snack all together down in the common room? I promise I'll give any Bertie Botts beans that I think are bogey flavoured to Wormtail–"

"I don't want to go downstairs." 

"Okay." 

"I want to stay here with you."

"O– okay. We can do that." Sirius stuttered, counting his blessings that it was dark in their little curtain cocoon as he went scarlet. 

"I'm just so tired, Sirius," Remus said, suddenly bursting into tears, "I've had enough now. I'm done. I'm done."

"Oh, Moony. C'mere. Come on." Sirius cooed, his voice cracking slightly as he swung himself swiftly around to lie back on the pillows, pulling Remus into him and placing his head on his chest so that he could run his fingers soothingly through his tawny hair. 

There was nothing Sirius could say or do that would make Remus feel any better, he knew that all too well. All he could do was lie here with him and hope to Merlin that he could help him get at least a little rest. 

"We are all here for you, Remus. Always. _I'm_ here for you. You are so strong. So brave. You _will_ get through this, I promise you. We can– we can sneak out to Honeydukes the day after tomorrow and eat as many sweets as we want, if you like." Sirius smiled relievedly when he heard a quiet, but distinguishable chuckle emanate from the boy curled up in his arms. 

Eventually, Sirius got Remus talking a bit and they shared a pensive discussion about how in Merlin's name Lily managed to make James into an even bigger idiot than he usually was. The conservation, however, slowly became one-sided as Remus miraculously slipped into the land of Nod, his fingers lightly holding onto the soft, black material of Sirius' sweatshirt that he loved so much. 

Once Sirius realised that his audience had fallen asleep, he gazed down with now unreserved affection at the boy who looked so blissfully peaceful and gently pulled a blanket over the both of them. Unbeknownst to Sirius, Remus' current state of calm and ability to sleep with minimal interruption was all thanks to him. Cushioning his own head with his hand behind it, Sirius allowed his own eyelids to close, falling asleep to the cinnamon, leather scent of the boy he wished he could hold like this forever, keeping him safe and warm.

They would get Remus through this curse together, no matter what it took. 


End file.
